


A Twist is Just a Kiss

by redscudery, twofingerpost



Series: Scudery's Saturday Night Fic Fest [13]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Boys Kissing, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Established Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade, First Time, Fluff, It's For a Case, John is a Saint, M/M, Paternal Lestrade, Sherlock is a Brat, Twister - Freeform, baby oil, for John & Sherlock, oh god where do i start, wee bit smutty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 13:03:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2110896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redscudery/pseuds/redscudery, https://archiveofourown.org/users/twofingerpost/pseuds/twofingerpost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A game of naked Twister could help Sherlock solve a forgery case. The baby oil is just a bonus, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Twist is Just a Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This, as many of the cracky things in my life do, began in the AD chatroom. Airynothing, twofingerpost, and DraloreShimare all contributed to this, and kindaoffkilter made the Mystrade suggestions.

**Tuesday, 3:12 pm**

"We have to play this game, John, for the case, John."

“That’s a game of Twister.”

“Stunning deduction.”

“Why, Sherlock?”

“I need to see if this arrangement of limbs is possible.”

“Hello?”

“Greg, Sherlock? Really?”

“Oh, lovely, John. You’ve stopped greeting me now too?”

“Hi, Greg, sorry, so sorry, it’s just that… Twister.”

“He’s losing it this time, I’m sure.”  
  
“I am right here, you know.”

“We know.”

“We do.”

“Unreal. John, come here. Greg, sit down.”  
“You going to explain why you called me here on a Tuesday afternoon? I have so much paperwork…”

“You’re the only one I can trust with this.”

“That’s a Twister spinner.”

“Well spotted. Do you think you can spin it competently?”

“I should leave you to your games, and I would, if you weren’t so bleeding useful.”

“Sorry, Greg, I don’t know why we couldn’t have done it ourselves. Tea?”

“John, you will not fetch him tea. He’s over his caffeine limit already. Look at him. He’ll spin that and like it. Greg, you may want to turn around.”

“LIke I’d miss this.”

“Very well. John, strip.”

“WHAT?”

“WHAT?”

“I did say you might want to face the other way, Greg, although that was mostly courtesy, given your latent attraction to John and the way you look at his…”

“SHERLOCK!”

“SHERLOCK!”

“Do you or do you not want that forgery case solved, Greg?”

“Arsehole.”

“Sherlock, I am not going to strip, not even to catch the most wanted forgers in Europe.”

“Please?”

“I like the sound your socks make when they hit the floor, John.”

“Shut up, Greg.”

“Sherlock, you did not just remove my clothes from your chair so you could hang your coat on it.”

“My coat is worth more than your entire wardrobe. It may be smarter than Anderson.”

“Now what?”

“Lestrade spins. You go first.”

“I know I’m going to lose. You are unreasonably large…uh, tall.”

“I find it interesting that you mention an adjective that is most commonly associated with penis size.”

“Shut up, Sherlock.”

“John, left hand on green.”

“Thanks, Greg.”

“Change the subject or don’t, I still heard you, John.”

“Sherlock, right hand on green as well.”

“Greg, you did that on purpose!”  
“John, if you yell, you spit in my face. Kindly desist.”

“Well, you could remove your face from my face.”

“John, right foot on yellow”

“That’s better.”

“Sherlock, left foot on blue.”

“Oh fabulous. Now his arse is in my face.”

“Do you prefer it to my face, John? Although really that is a rhetorical question. I have a fabulous arse.”

“You are a fabulous arse.”

“You know, I wasn’t lying about the paperwork.”

 

**Tuesday, 3:25 p.m.**

“John, left foot on red.”

“If I do that, I’ll fall flat on my face.”

“Which means you will lose…”

“Well that doesn’t matter, does it, since it’s for a case?”

“No. You interrupted, John. I meant, you will lose feeling in your penis if you fall.”

“Please don’t talk about my penis.”

“Sherlock, right foot on yellow.”

“Speaking of which, you’re one to talk.”

“John, penis on green.”

“Fuck off, Greg.”

“I would be only too happy to leave you two to your insanity.”

“Wrong. You’ve got an erection in those trousers just thinking about us.”

“Fuck off, Sherlock.”

“So vulgar. Now what Is John supposed to put on green?”

“His left hand.”

“Thank you. I assume we can continue?”

“Sherlock, left foot on blue.”

“GREG! If he does that I’ll be looking so far up his arse I’ll see his lunch!”

“This is not the easiest configuration.”

“AUGH!”

“Oh, John, control yourself. It’s not as though you haven’t had your hands up more arseholes than Dave at the chippy.”

“Why do you know that about Dave?”

”I just do.”

“John, right foot on red.”

“I’m being punished for something, I just know it.”

“Lestrade, I need you to do one more thing. There’s a small bottle on the table there. Please open it and pour some down my back.”

“That would involve looking at you.”  
“Well, what are you waiting for?”

“Good point.”

“Please tell me that wasn’t a suggestive arse-waggle?”

“I won’t.”

“Sherlock, is this…”

“John, hush.”

“Smile, lads.”

“Greg, don’t you bloody dare.”

“Photographs are unwise, Lestrade.”

“It’s for Mycroft.”

“In that case, go right ahead.”

“SHERLOCK!”

“John, be reasonable. It’ll traumatize him for life. He’ll hever come back here.”

“I do not need your brother to see me mother-naked on a Twister board with you and…baby oil?”

“It’s necessary, John.’

“Sherlock, right hand on yellow.”

“Ah!”

‘Sherlock, that is my thigh.”

“I”m aware.”

“John, right foot on red.”

“No.”

“You can’t refuse, John.”

“Sherlock, I can’t make this move without compromising your honor.”

“It’s for a case. I’ll take the chance.”

“You cannot be serious.”

“You know, I just got an urgent text.”

“Mycroft wants to see you, does he?”

“I don’t do what your brother tells me.”

“You do. What’s more, you like it. I suppose he told you to come over and do this with him instead of helping me?”

“What?”

“DO keep up, John. Mycroft’s had our friend here on a string for a while.”

“I am not on a bloody string!”

“Don’t let us keep you, Lestrade.”

“I am going, now, and you can spin your own bloody spinner.”

“By all means.”  
“Greg, don’t you dare leave me!”

“I hear Mycroft bought some Moulton Brown baby oil the other day.”

“SHERLOCK!”

“Bye, John.”

“I suppose Mrs. Hudson won’t come if we shout?”

“Absolutely not, Sherlock. No. No Mrs. Hudson. Can we not just get on with this?”

“I’ll spin, then.”

“Please do.”

“My left foot on yellow. That will be tricky.”  
“Just don’t slip, for God’s sake.”

“I wo- ouch!”

“Is that your penis against my ankle?”

“I believe it is, John.”

“So you lose, then.”

“No. Technically I am still in position.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“Is your heterosexuality slipping again?”

“Where do I move now?”

“Ah, the sweet sound of avoidance. Right foot on green.”

“OW!”

“You are heavier than you look.”

“And you are unreasonably bony.”

“So you lose?”

“No, technically I do not. Look, my right foot is touching the green dot.”

“I can’t look because your face is in the way.”

“Your face is also unreasonable.”

“My face is constructed along the lines of most faces.”

“Your face talks too much.”

“I can stop, if you like.”

“If I like? Of course I like. It’s the answer to all of my prayers. It’s …”

“Sherlock?”

“Mhm?”

“Your lips are soft.”

“So are yours.”

“Why are you kissing me?”

“Because I can.”

“Have you figured out what you need to figure out yet? For the case?”

“I have what I need.”

“I’m not stupid, you know.”

“John?”

“Yes?”

“Pass the baby oil.”

**Friday, 11:37 a.m.**

“Why is there a Boots bag on the kitchen table with a bow on it?”

“Present for Mycroft.”

“It’s baby oil. I hate that I know this, but I thought he liked the really fancy stuff.”

“He does.”

“Of course. How did you make it to the ripe old age you are, again?”

“Pure genius.”

“Idiot.”

“Arsehole.”

“Hey! Don’t kiss me while I’m pouring the kettle.”


End file.
